This sucks. Life sucks. You suck. I suck. Everything sucks!

Uhm, yeah. Wow, my internet is dusty. I've been avoiding the world for months, and now I have REASONS. Lets rant, shall we? Okay, I haven't had a chance to rant like this in ages, so let me do it. If you don't care, then DONT READ. And don't get after me about anything. Just let me rant. I like ranting. Rant rant rant......okay. I'll go at it now.

Divorce. Who the hell needs it? And the day after Christmas? Thats a GREAT day to move out. My house is empty. Not only is nothing in it, but all the good feelings this house used to harbor now lies in a thin mist at my feet. I hat this house, this house that I refused to leave when my parents thought of selling, the house that has my room, my rabbit, my memories... I HATE IT. And I hate my dad. But I hate my mom's house. And I hate my mom's house. And I hate my mom's 12-years-older-than-her-boyfriend-soon-to-be-fiancee. I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE GOT A BOYFRIEND LESS THAN A WEEK AFTER LEAVING MY DAD. That BITCH. But I love my sister.

And I hate my PS2. Piece of shit. It broke two days ago. I can't even go buy a new one because the PS3 is coming out soon. But I can't buy one of THOSE, because they'll be 300-400 dollars! And I have to save money for AO. I have 50....and my parents are scraping for money, so I can't asky thm. And I need 20 dollars for my field trip. DAMNIT.

School. SCHOOL. WTF. Japan. Even more WTF. No scholarship for Shipper. I signed up for a scholarship to take my senior year in Japan. The day I sent it in, my mom told me that she was getting a divorce. For two months all my hopes have been riding on that scholarship. New start. New family. New experiences. What did I sacrifice for that thing? Sanity, friendships, money, entertaining classes in school, patience, happieness......and I find out I don't even get it. Oh lord. Why do I even try to hope about anything anymore?

Yeah, so, not only did it kill my hope, but I feel like a fucking FAILURE. Seeing as how I can't go, my reputation is ruined. Not only did I tell my friends, but I told my TEACHER. and she told all her students. What the hell are they going to think next year when they see me? And since I told my parents, they told ALL my family members. I'm the best Japanese speaker in my class, and seeing as I'm in the highest class, asside from the teacher and the exchange students, I'm (technically) the best in the school. So, I feel like a big. Fat. Failure.

My old best friend even left me, saying they were going to prepare themselves for when I went to Japan. And then they came up with this great, 'Shipocracy' thing. Yeah. I'm their group's dart board. And, because some people still associate with me, THEY have become said group's sub-dart boards. WTF. YES, world, PLEASE punish everyone who comes into contact with me!

And it occured to me last night, after I learned I didn't get my scholarship, that today is my dog Hilde's second anniversary of death. I wore her collar to school today. Damn I miss her. My dad is threatening to give away the dog who took her place. Originally I hated that dog because she was born on Hilde's death day and I blamed her somehow, but I still feel connected to that dog. My dad also won't let the cats inside anymore. And he wont let me outside the house. And I have to take drivers ed. I DON'T WANT TO DRIVE! And its an extra 2 hours of school!

I'm so angry. Fuck life. Fuck my sanity. I need my pills. NURSE!

But I feel better now that i typed all that stuff.